How to Control your Emotions?

A Live Your Life entry published on June 3, 2009


Esoteric means coming from within, as opposed to exoteric, which means coming from outside.

We’ve seen the word emotion derives from the Latin ex-movere, which means to move out. Emotions must be lived out. Emotions are a profoundly esoteric cry that ex-moves (moves out).
We know Beliefs create Thoughts and attachments; Thoughts create Emotions; and Emotions are our drive for Action (action is what we call behaviour).

I believe, I think, I feel, I do.
This is the normal flow of our beliefs system.

Emotions are our ringing bell.
When we are in a bad mood, it means we are experiencing bad emotions.
When we are in a good mood, it means we’re experiencing good emotions.
This means what I do (my behaviour) feeds back what I believe in. It’s a circle.
It’s a vicious circle when emotions are bad and a virtuous circle when emotions are good.

We’ve also talked about blocking emotions in or letting them out.

And we’ve seen that letting them out or blocking them in had a big influence in our health.

So the question today is: how to control emotions?

What is important now is to understand what to live out emotions means in fact.

We first must realize that emotions are different from behaviour:

I am angry: this is an emotion.
I start hitting someone because I’m angry: this is behaviour.
I am sad: this is an emotion
I start yelling against the world because I feel sad: this is behaviour.

Living out emotions is not to be done with your behaviour.

When you live out your emotions thru behaviour, you won’t be living out emotions, but rather confirming your unhappy thinking pattern.
Instead of getting rid of the emotion, you’ll be feeding it. It will grow in you.

Three solutions to deal with emotions:

There are three solutions to deal with bad emotions:

  • To block them in, and annul oneself pretending everything is ok.
  • To live them out thru behaviour
  • To acknowledge, to observe and to verbalize what you feel; to out-speak your feelings.

The first solution does not solve anything and makes the person accumulate the emotion, something that could cause physical problems later.

The second solution resolves the effect but not the cause, and makes the person increasingly more dependent on that behaviour, which gives him the illusion of emptying his aggressiveness.
In fact, it empties the feeling, but it feeds the cause of that emotion.
So the emotion grows instead of disappearing.

The third solution resolves the cause. The person empties his emotional batteries through awareness, observation and verbalization of himself, becoming more genuine and assertive.
The propensity to feel that emotion again slowly diminishes.

So, how can I control my emotions?
By verbalizing them and resisting living them out thru behaviour.

Let’s take an example with anger.

Again, like before, there are three solutions to deal with anger:

  • To annul oneself and pretend everything is ok, stuck in the illusion that the cause has been sorted out.
  • To follow a very yang path, playing a sport like punching boxing bags, play rugby or even hit someone.
  • To follow a yin path and cry our hearts out, thus becoming completely aware of our feelings.

The first solution does not solve anything and makes the person accumulate anger, something that could cause physical problems later.

The second solution resolves the effect but not the cause, and makes the person increasingly more dependent on that violent activity, which gives him the illusion of emptying his aggressiveness.
What the person does not realise is that his aggressiveness is being nurtured, and, for this reason, growing.
This attitude strengthens the ego

The third solution resolves the cause.
The person empties his anger batteries through awareness and observation of himself, becoming more genuine and assertive.
The propensity for anger diminishes.
The ego is weakening.

So you see, emotions should not be lived out thru behaviour, but primarily through verbalization.

To verbalize one’s feelings is a sure way to avoid physical problems and to live a much better life.

And verbalizing means: to out-speak emotions to yourself, not to others.

The problem is most frequently the illusion of getting rid of the emotion feeling by doing something.
You never get rid of it, you just nurture it.

Thus, the question was: how to control my emotions?

You don’t.
You let them out thru verbalization, observation and acknowledgement of what you feel.

You don’t control them, you master them.

Emotions are alchemic.
The more you acknowledge, observe and verbalize them, the more they become weak.

Sometimes, you feel sad.
That happens.
Most of your friends will tell you to go to the movies, or to do something.
Then, you’ll feel better, because you’ve changed focus.
But you won’t have erased your inner sadness programme.
You did not consume the sadness batteries you have in you.
You’d be much better off staying at home crying your sadness and acknowledging your mood and your emotional state.

Just stay.
Just be: “I feel sad. So let me feel sad”.

And cry that sadness out.

But don’t add pity, guilt or disillusion.
Don’t practice self-violence.
Just observe how sad you are.
Don’t judge you.

Tears wash the ego. Actually, they wash ego away.
Of course, ego hates tears: “A man does not cry!!!”

For how long does this last?
It depends on how much time you kept emotions blocked inside or you just avoided them thru behaviour.

In my experience, it is not very easy once you start, but it gets easier and easier with more and more acceptance and less and less control of what you feel.

And you end up dealing less and less with bad emotions.

Hence, you feel happier.

It’s an intense esoteric journey.

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3 Comments

  • February 28th, 2010

    Cazz says:

    This is suchh a good blog entry. im taking this advice but when you say verbalize is it bad to think to yourself ‘It’s Just Unfair, why me’?

  • March 2nd, 2010

    Luis Martins Simoes says:

    Thank you for your question, Caroline.
    When you verbalize, it is important that you speak out loud what you feel. For instance “I feel angry”, or “I am terribly disappointed”, or “I am so ashame of what I did” or even “Shit! Shit! Shit! I am pissed!”.
    It is important that you spit out your deepest feelings.
    If I say:”He is a bastard!” or “It’s unfair”, I am no longer verbalizing emotions but rather judging the events; May it be a judgement on somebody’s attitude or on something that has happened.
    When you say “It’s just unfair, why me?”, it is the same.
    Quickly, you will realize that your verbalization was a judgment.
    That is not a problem.
    Blaming your verbalization because it was not correct is even worse. That becomes a real problem. It adds guilt.
    You then just need to verbalize “I can’t even verbalize my own feelings correctly. I am so lost! I feel so sorry for myself. I need guidance. I feel lost! Somebody help me!”
    Words are important, but verbalizing feelings, even when you do it incorrectly, using the wrong words, is always a good solution.
    Time will help you verbalizing better and better.
    But do never feel guilty because you did not verbalize a feeling correctly.
    I often verbalize judgements. I do not worry.
    If that happens, I just know it is one of my fragilities that needs to be acknowledged and accepted.
    Be tender with you.
    Cheers

  • March 18th, 2012

    Jose says:

    I m still felling sad

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